I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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