I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
