My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize