I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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