Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
