you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
