Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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