I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
