11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
