Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
