Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
