I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
