After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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