His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
