just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
