Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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