apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
