thus making me awesome and them whores
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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