Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
