Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
