I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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