I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
