just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
