Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
