Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
