i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
