On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i already hear my dad disowning me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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