You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
