What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
