He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
