It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
