Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
