put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
