Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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