i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
