Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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