im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
