At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
