A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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