dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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