Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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