so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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