actually, I'm a sock model
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
