i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
