Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
