Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
