I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize