Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
