i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize