see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
