I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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