he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
