Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
