We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
