I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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