butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
