My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
