apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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