You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
