just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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