bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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