she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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