so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
